Ever experienced that ?
Something happens to you that makes you feel bad. You run away. A few weeks, months, years later.. “the thing” comes back under, another form, another shape, another experience, another colour. Same feeling, same wish to run away.
These past years, I became quite skeptical about positive thinking (which differs from positive psychology), the ´business of happiness’ and all of those bubbly, fancy, shiny techniques and theories that serve us with a whole lot of easy solutions about how to feel super great, and happy and healthy. Isn’t our society so full of quick fixes, quick remedies, quick happiness shoots, quick whatever ? Now and fast, please.
Let me be clear, I don’t believe this doesn’t work. But. only, for a moment.
As mentioned previously, I believe that “the thing” (put your own word here) will find its way back. We all have dark sides, fears, shame, doubts, traumas, etc. This IS human. And as much as I think it’s not necessary to dig into everything.. I do believe that when “the thing” prevents you to feel well, to have good relationships, or blocks you in an important aspect of your life.. it could be worse to take the time and dive in.
This doesn’t necessarily mean DOING something, or being very active about it. This is another aspect that our society has put very strongly in our brains, ain’t it ? “If you want, you can.” or “Just do it”.. I don’t believe in this anymore.
Let me offer a softer, less quick but more sustainable way. I will make the parallel with meditation but that doesn’t mean you need to sit – the process can be done otherwise, as long as the awareness is there.
A first step could be staying with “the thing”, seeing it. No need to like it or befriending it at this stage ;) In meditation, we learn to offer our attention to whatever arises, which means sitting with the ugly and the hard as well. We learn to do this without judging and without running away. We try to be kind, attentive to and patient with whatever arises.
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Staying with discomfort is a hard process that might make one move through a whole lot of emotions. Those waves will rise and die. The more you see and acknowledge them, the more they will lose their power over you. As Eckart Tolle says "Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists »
I realise more and more that when I give myself that space and time.. I am able to shed light onto « that thing » . It then, interestingly and without forcing, starts to lose its power over me. From there, I can slowly slowly take my power back. (no need to run away anymore)
To sum up, my three main ingredients for this process of diving into the colorful waves of life would be: patience, softness and compassion. Enjoy the ride and happy Sunday, sweet souls :)
